FOREIGN TERRITORY
18.06.02
Fond retrospective:
---------------------------------------
I remember feeling inundated with a pack of emotions that I had never felt in such combinations before. I was anxious, nervous, scared, excited, cautious, dominating, influential, important, powerful, and concerned, all at the same time. And alternating during.
I had not clue as to what I was meant to be doing, sure some of what I like she must like, we are both women after all, but that is the only thing I knew. And that is still the only thing I know now. I am still ignorant to the ways of her body. Some things I know, some things were sensed by the increased heart rate, even before I touched her. We kissed and something just changed, some things simply cannot return to how they were, nor do I want them to. We are closer now than I have ever been with anybody, ever.
Missing her was magical, no matter how cliched that sounds, it was something that just fitted. Together at that time, me intoxicated by emotions and her inebriated by slight amounts of alcohol everything seemed to meld together. We joined as one even for only a short time, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced. And think I ever will. Other experiences will occur, but nothing with the importance of this time. The first time.
The biggest thing that was felt by me, at least, was the interconnection between us. We were there both experiencing this at the same time, experiencing some of the same things, the same emotions, the same primal cravings. I wanted to be with her, and she was with me. I was happier at that day and night and following day than I had ever been in the past five to six years. Happiness is something that had be lacking form my life. The emotional closeness that I felt over that time too had been void from my life.
There was nothing bad or repulsive about it, everything was en expression of beauty and natural expression. Passionate. With her there with me I felt strong, I felt comfortable, I felt at home. This was the one thing that I knew I had to do in my life. I had to be with somebody I truly care about. Everything around us seemed irrelevant, It was jus the two of us. Together.
No regrets.
The intimacy and vulnerability I felt was something of comfort between us. I felt like I was able to open myself up both emotionally and physically to her. I knew that she would not inflict pain unto me at that time. I felt comfortable and at ease in her presence, and in awe of her at the same time.
Her beauty. Her openness. Her vulnerability. Her compassion. Her respect.
I think that is one of the facets that attracted me to her, her respect. Her respect for me, my feelings and for herself. She values everything, every experience. She takes nothing for granted. I admire her for that.
She simply is a beautiful person, and I fell for that.
I will not forget her, nor do I want to forget what we had at that time and what we have now.
---------------------------------------
Fond retrospective over.
