UNI REALLY DOES START BACK TODAY
23.07.02

Uni did start back today. I had my first class at the bright and early time of 6 pm, Yes you heard right 6 PM! How rude was that. Oh well, I am happy I get to ease myself back into classes, with my earliest class starting at 11 am my sleeping habits, and love of all things nocturnal are happy about this.

Woo Hoo, at the direction of Alexis I found the AWGASM e-group. This is meant to be the ever present queer presence on campus in my region, before I Alexis or myself turned up the most recent post about the group was dated some time in early 2001 or late 2000. Yes a piss poor effort if you ask me. I have been notified of its existence, and Alexis and I are trying to bring it back into the limelight and see if we can resurrect the group.

I hope something comes of it. I really do. I really feel as though the people on campus, and of course Alexis and myself, could benefit from the support of others in the region who have, or may be facing similar situations to ourselves. It can’t hurt now can it, especially if it stays anonymous.

Well we will see how it progresses, I am meeting up with Alexis on Friday to work out some details of where we see the group heading, and organise a forum for input form other students.

I was talking to Kate today. OK maybe not talking, but chatting on ICQ kinda counts now doesn’t it? [I think so] seeing you actually know the person at the other end of the phone line I feel it is more significantly accountable as a valid for of communication. Well it was a very nice conversation, Boosting my confidence no end. Today I made the realisation that people could actually be attracted to me.

This is a big deal. This is a very big deal to me. Would be to anyone I guess. But with the negative attitude I have held about myself for so long, I would like to thank Kate publicly, [or as public as this journal is] for being the person to help me realise this truth. For so many years, and through the disastrous trail of relationships left in my wake, I always thought that if I was attracted to someone, and they ‘decided’ to go out with me, it was purely for my benefit, and perhaps that they were doing so out of pity for me. Or maybe out of some weird arse sense of duty, or honour to man kind or something like that. Never for the fact that they could find me even remotely attractive. I never thought that another person could see me anywhere near the way I saw them.

I would like to thank Kate for boosting my confidence. I now HAVE something resembling confidence, on a personal and interpersonal level. Before such I had confidence and self esteem in many other areas, but never that of personal image and self respect. I think I am now a better person for it. I am now a better person because of Kate, and what we have, now.

Thank you.